So, this past weekend I found a little Asian food store which carries natto. Not knowing a thing about preparation outside of the one way I was shown, I decided to get adventurous.
Although I doubt you ever will, if you should ever manage to get your hands on the stuff, for Heaven’s sake, whatever you do, do not cook it.
The smell is gutwrenching.
So I’ve been doing a lot of pondering on human nature and the human condition. This is not something new, as I tend to spend a lot of time thinking about things like this from day to day. However, recent leisurely readings as well as readings for various classes have added fuel to an already burning fire of thought on the matter.
One idea in particular that I keep coming back to is this notion of control. It is something that we all have and/or lack in some capacity. I would even go as far to argue that it is not an and/or situation. I feel that it is something that we all have and lack simultaneously. There are areas where we have control, and areas where we lack control. However, this is not the issue that I find the most intriguing. What intrigues me most are the ways in which we exercise control and how that control changes us.
Control in and of itself is not at all a bad thing. Self control, for instance, is unquestionably a positive trait. Self control can go by many terms. Discipline, restraint, and willpower are just a few of the words we use to describe self-control. It is doubtful that anyone could successfully argue a bad connotation for any of these terms. So in this respect, control is certainly not a bad thing. It is when the control shifts from oneself to the exertion of control over other people that it becomes an altogether depraved beast.
Unfortunately, this control seems to be a deeply seeded part of our nature. For the purposes of distinguishing between simple control and the beast within, I would argue that this type of control be referred to as manipulation.
I feel we have all seen it in one form or another. We have all experienced the thrill of manipulating and the pain of being manipulated. Even the most righteous, well meaning souls have found themselves exerting control over someone in ways they never imagined. I’ve seen it in myself, and I see it every day in people around me.
Part of how we manipulate people depends on our relation to them. Family and friends are often manipulated in less obvious ways. Guilt is a powerful thing. It can move someone to stop doing something they know they shouldn’t be doing, or it can be used to manipulate someone into producing a desired action or inaction. I am amazed at how often and to what degree people resort to using guilt as a tool. Guilt, of all tools available, is the most universal of those in our manipulation toolkit. The interesting thing about guilt is that those using it as a tool often are oblivious to their actions. Throughout their lifetime, they have developed a pattern of using guilt to manipulate and turn a situation to their favor and, after some time, they subconsciously learn that guilt produces results. Therefore, since it produces results, it becomes standard practice for getting people to do what they want. Interestingly enough, they are oblivious to their actions, and are often oblivious to the effects of their actions outside of the directly intended results as well.
It’s upsetting that we treat our loved ones in such a way. By using them as a means to meet an end, we reduce them to objects which exist solely to be manipulated. But to do it without even recognizing it is a problem within itself. It is often said in many texts, in many ways, that ignorance is no excuse for our actions. I would tend to agree. So then, what are we to do? Educate ourselves on our own nature? This I’m not sure is entirely possible. Perhaps evaluate the nature of others? This could be one way. But unless we then take that evaluation and apply it to ourselves, we are simply acting as passive observers.
In contrast to the way we treat those closest to us, the way we treat those we don’t know should be an obvious indication of our own depravity. Rather than using guilt and sorrow to get what we want, we use niceties. Now, some would say that being nice is the only way to get things done, and I do not disagree. However, the niceties and manners that we use with strangers and minor acquaintances are often nothing more than masks; fronts used to manipulate a person or people into agreeing with or complying with our requests and/or fulfill our need to be heard and given attention. Quite often our only reason for being cordial and mannerly is so that the people we are interacting with will offer good service or products. Our public image is really just a mask, a self that is manipulated and projected in such a way as to produce a pleasant experience with little friction and acceptable service.
Consider conversation; very seldom is it that we actually engage in conversation and interaction with others out of a desire to exchange ideas. More often than not, we engage others for no other reason than to elicit a response to which we can respond. In other words, we engage others to create an opportunity to be heard. This, I have found, is universal among the majority of the people I have met. There are very few people whom I have met that seem to be genuinely interested in other people. Even these people, I am certain, will have their moments. We all do. As a matter of fact, I would argue that most of humanity, in its most altruistic, philanthropic state, is primarily focused upon the fulfillment of self. We give to feel good; we give to feel right; we give to satisfy a desire or a duty; but ultimately, we give because it does something inside of us. Not because we want to help another person. Certainly not because we feel a desire to sacrifice of ourselves. We do these things because of what they can do for us.
Think about babies. Everyone loves to talk about babies being innocent. There are even people that believe that all children, up to a certain age, go to heaven. Consider this; children are abundantly more manipulative and controlling than adults, they are just ignorant of such wrongs. Wait, ignorance? If we are to be held accountable for our depravity with ignorance being of no excuse, then we are like children in their ignorance, and, therefore, children should receive no exceptions. From birth, children, although unable to communicate, learn, within a matter of months, that particular actions and gestures get results. Perhaps a small consideration could be given for those that cannot verbally communicate, but those able to speak still continue these manipulative ways into their toddlerhood and childhood, so what is to be said of them? I would argue that it cannot and does not just start. It is something we are born with. An innate selfishness. Children have it, teenagers have it, and adults have it. A desire to fulfill the self, and drain everyone else.
Even more disturbing is how this desire for self fulfillment, the same desire that leads us to manipulate others, leaves us wide open to being manipulated as well. Just as we easily and unknowingly manipulate people to meet our own ends, we can be manipulated to meet someone else’s ends. So often I have seen in myself times when I am using others around me simply because I know they desire the company, or the conversation. It is likely that I am responding to some form of subconscious manipulation on their part. More accurately, we are both likely responding to the manipulation of the other. We are often oblivious to those manipulating us. Sure, there are the obvious leeches in all of our lives, but we have become so conditioned to their type that we buffet ourselves. The others, the ones that demand from us in other ways, are the ones we must consider. A little here, a little there, and soon we’re left with nothing of ourselves. So we in turn find our own prey, and the cycle continues.
It’s quite a sickening feeling; to sit back and realize that you are using someone to fulfill your own selfish desires. Even more sickening is when you realize that the person you are using, at the root, is really searching for the exact same thing. We all crave attention. Whether an introvert, or extrovert; bookworm or celebrity; we all need to be seen, heard, and attended to to some degree. Recognizing this need, alone, is not enough. Recognizing that we are capable of using others to meet that need is also only part of the solution.
Realizing that we will resort to deceptive means; means which are deceptive to ourselves as well those we manipulate; that is a good place to start. It is not a remedy. On the contrary, I have known this very fact for years and have continually caught myself using those around me in various ways, both large and small, to achieve an end. Much like everything else in life, it is a process. Every day I attempt to treat people as more than objects. At the end of the day though, when reflecting back on the days events, I often realize that most attempts, and sometimes all, have failed miserably.
I’d like to think that I am a good person. I like people, I enjoy their company, and I make friends easily, but I still find, on a subconscious level, that I am disturbedly narcissistic and manipulative. I want things for me, I want people for me, and I want my life to be mine. When confronted with this, and when contrasted with the person I strive to be, I am ashamed and hurt. I am physically sickened by my own depravity.
It hurts to know that these things exist inside of me. What hurts more, is seeing that reflection of myself in other people. Some say that we often observe in other people the things we hate most about ourselves. That statement, to me, is painfully true. This depraved nature; this thing that will do whatever it takes to be number one; at the center; seen, heard, and felt, yet never sated; this is something which I observe in everyone and, at the end of the day, when I look in the mirror, I see it in myself as well.
God help me. God help us all.
I’ve been hearing reports and reading articles about large groups of Republicans showing up at primary polls and voting for Hillary Clinton. This is apparently being done for the sole purpose of skewing the votes because they believe Obama to be an unbeatable moderate Democrat, and that a nomination for Hillary will mean sure victory for McCain.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/03/10/wuspols310.xml
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,334669,00.html
Wanting to defeat someone because they are moderate and want to work towards bi-partisanship? That makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever. This is EVERYTHING that is wrong with the modern Republican party. Sure, maybe I’m making some broad generalizations, but it seems as though the Republican party has become more concerned with WINNING, than with working together to truly create a government that is “by and for the people.” The Democrats are not much better, but at least Obama is coming out as a voice of change. Just like Rush said, Democrats are
“in the midst of tearing themselves apart right now. It is fascinating to watch, and it’s all going to stop if Hillary loses.”
This means that if Obama wins, theres a chance of unifying the Democrats again, ending the in-fighting, and working towards progress and bi-partisanship.
It comes as no surprise that Rush Limbaugh is behind the most vocal of those supporting this ridiculous abuse of the electoral process. The sad part is, that this ridiculous interview was broadcast on Fox News, and Fox News, in all of its skewing and butchering of facts and truth, is what the majority of so called “conservatives” in this country rely upon for their daily news. The biggest group in particular, evangelical Christians, are well known for rallying behind Fox News figures like conservative kowtower Sean Hannity and the over-the-top sensationalist Bill O’Reilly. If these characters say jump, the evangelical Christian community, by and large, says a unanimous and resounding, “How high?”
It makes perfect sense, then, that many of those showing up, from what I understand, are Christian Republicans who are showing up by congregations. All for the sake of towing the party line. I don’t know why they don’t like Obama. Whether it’s because he’s African American, or Democrat, or a combination of both and more. Regardless, it’s absolutely disgusting to see the same people that I associate as being part of my spiritual family doing vile, disgusting, underhanded things like this.
I can almost guarantee that the majority of these people have more than likely spent no time reading up on McCain or Obama, where they stand on policies and issues, and which one has been more effective during their time in office. They are most likely just towing the party line, pulling the same underhanded Republican bullshit that groups like the Religious Right, the Moral Majority, and it’s unrighteous, indignant cohorts have done since the Reagan campaign.
Disgusting.
Why is it when we think we have control, we wield it with absolute certainty?
Yet, when we lose control, we are unsure of our every move, and make the most feeble attempts at getting it back?
This morning brought a very pleasant surprise.
Around 11:00 my phone rang. The ID said “Unknown.” When I answered, I was greeted with a stammered “Hello?” followed by an unsure “Mr. Jared?”
It was Koji, and with him was Kyoko.
Kyoko had been singing at Django and afterwards she and Koji had decided to give me a call.
It was really nice to hear from them again.
Do I control me?
If my future is as I foresee it, do my choices make it become reality?
If I do not control me, where does my control end and His begin?
I may choose to follow His path, but is He not free to change it?
And if so, who’s path am I then following?
His, or mine?
How do I live free, walk with Him, and know that I am?
When my mind changes, is it Him, or is it me?
Is the future that I see just a bad reflection of what He has planned?
Is living in a box worth being happy in the long run?
If I step out of this box and decide to live free, am I still living in Him?
Does He want me to be happy now, and happy later?
James 4:13-15 (ESV)
Come now, you who say “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit,” yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”
Where am I going?
Do I really know?
I know He does, but do I?
Pownce.com