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It’s funny what moves me to write sometimes. I mean, I haven’t written anything in nearly 6 months. Lord knows I’ve had plenty to write about. Last week alone would have produced a novel. And yet, I still manage to let things pass with nary a word.

Well, today has prompted something.

Why? Why so many people? I’m essentially trying to block all of this out. As if it hasn’t happened. I know it’s not the right thing to do. I know I should face this. But I just can’t. I don’t want to.

I hear people ask all the time, “If a loving, gracious God exists, why do bad things happen to good people?” Well, I want an answer. I just don’t have one. Yes, I realize that bad things happen to everyone and that bad happenings are not discriminatory. However, that answer just isn’t good enough for me.

How many of these people had futures? Bright futures. Futures that very well could have been world changing. Cures for diseases. Groundbreaking technologies. Mentors. Helping hands that would have built a better tomorrow. How many of these people were living a life that would please the Lord. Following after a destiny handed down to them by Him, from above.

Okay, so depending on your theology, this was either their path, or their life was cut short. We should either celebrate the ripples they created in our pond while they were alive or lament at the interruption of what could have been.

This whole thing is just hard for me to swallow. I just can’t get my head around it. If someone is pressing forward, towards a God given goal, honoring the Lord in their work and their life, praising Him in their sorrows and joys, then why, WHY would something like this be allowed to happen to them? Some people would say that if they listen closely that God would have whispered a warning to them. I’m sorry, I just don’t buy that.

I don’t know. Amidst a bunch of other crap that’s going on right now in my life, I’m just having a really hard time dealing with all of this. My ideas are probably all over the place. My thoughts are probably completely inconsistent. Logical arguments are something I really could care less about right now. And if someone even dares give me a verse or scripture that they think may apply to my situation at this time, they are liable to catch either an earful of unpleasant words, or a mouthful of fingers and knuckles.

Yes, I’m frustrated. Yes, I’m mad. Yes, I’m confused.

Worst of all, I feel like no matter which way I turn, I can’t get away from this. Rather than this, I guess I should say Him. He won’t let me go. It’s really quite annoying. I mean, I know He’s doing something. I can feel it. But there are times where I wish He would just let me go. Give me a time to sort this out without His presence looming over me, around me, in me. Yet, I know that He won’t do that. And, to be honest, things probably wouldn’t make any more sense without Him.

Probably less.