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One of these days I’m going to figure this whole thing out.

Ok, maybe thats just wishful thinking. Until then, however, I’m going to beat my head up against the wall and try as hard as any man has ever tried.

I flip and I flop.

One day I feel like I’ve got so far to go before I’m ready to begin pursuing any woman.

The next day I feel like I should at least be making myself available.

Why is it the one thing that I’m interested in the most is the one thing I can’t even begin to figure out? It’s not like relationships are rocket science.

The sad thing is, it’s not so much the relationship that doesn’t make any sense to me. It’s the process of beginning one. Im not into making everything a science. I’ve read enough books and talked to enough people to realize that love stories are unique to just about every couple on the face of this earth.

Sure, there are the basics.

Purity.

Respect.

Servanthood.

Sacrifice.

Those are easy for me. It’s those little details before and in between that get me. Again, without turning this into a science, where in His name do I start?

Some say it needs to be a close friend. You grow together. Ok. I can handle that. It makes sense. But, what about all those other successful relationships/marriages that came out of chance meetings and unknown situations? You can’t use one to discount the other. Both are mutually exclusive situations that neither prove nor disprove the other.

Ok, so let’s say you go with the friend slant. At which point do you move from friendship to relationship to a very intentional courtship/dating (whatever) process? I mean, at some point do you decide, “Ok, I know enough about this person now, maybe we can date?” And what about those situations where the feeling is not mutual. Those situations are not fun. Certainly an experience I would prefer to avoid in the future.

Then what about this idea of standards that has been perpetuated through our culture. Sure there are obvious Biblical standards, but those aren’t the ones I’m referring to. The standards I’m referring to are the ones that have us disregarding every member of the opposite sex that passes the “two arms, two legs, one head” test. Those stupid little things that make us pass over someone just because they have an irritating quirk about them. They do this weird. They say this funny. They act like this. They always have something wrong with them. For anyone who’s ever seen Friends, I hope to never become like Chandler. He couldn’t date anyone because there was something wrong with everyone. Where do you distinguish between personal taste, and being sinfully nit-picky?

Aaaand, that’s not even the start of it.

What about that weird little game that goes on? That interchange. The banter. The hidden messages. I’ve become so painfully conscious of my “messaging” that sometimes I say nothing and just listen. Other times I’m so ignorant to my interest in someone that I babble on like a child that has just discovered the wonder of words.

Also, where do you factor in the pursuit of someone that caught your eye? Obviously beauty should not be what we are after, however, we should be physically attracted to the person we are going to pursue. Of course, when considering the close friend idea, chances are your close proximity to and knowledge of that person has opened your eyes to a different type of beauty of which you were previously unaware. That’s not the idea I’m chasing after here, however. What I’m looking at is that idea of pursuing someone that caught your eye for the purpose of getting to know them better. Perhaps it is the reverse of the friend process. If they were simplified into processes of reasoning, one would be inductive, the other deductive. Are both not viable forms of pursuing a relationship?

Of course, you also have the “sit and wait” types. The ones who believe that God’s Will will either bring them a partner, or not. They just do their thing. Go to work. Go to store. Go home. Have dinner. Go to bed. Repeat. They say they are following God’s will. I say they are Hyper-Calvinists. They are using God’s sovereignty as an excuse to do nothing. I don’t know about that. I personally believe that God uses us and our situations to put people in our path. We have to make ourselves available to some extent. Gods not going to deliver a spouse to my door. Ok, maybe where I work, but if I never allow myself to get out and be in a social setting how will I ever find people with similar interests? I just can’t accept that method. It just seems too lazy (and that says a lot coming from me).

I know that the best way is to just go on being me and just let it (whatever it may be) happen (in whatever way). Just live, but live wisely. I still don’t want to just coast around from class to class, office to office, city to city, and not be intentional at some point or another. I mean, at some point im going to have to make myself vulnerable. I’m going to have to open up and take a chance.

I guess I’ve done well at it so far.

I made an attempt about a year ago. Things went well. We were responsible with our words. I even controlled myself when it came to our conversations. I have a habit of accelerating things through conversation. I practiced restraint. Long story short, it didn’t work out. It was short and sweet. The great thing is that we were both able to say, “This isn’t going to work the way we hoped, it’s time to move on.” Even greater, she’s getting married in the fall. I’m glad. Truly.

I think we handled that situation well.

I must admit, however, that I still am nervous about pursuing again. I guess it never goes away. I just don’t really know where to start. Do I start with friends? Do I position myself closer to friends that I develop an attraction towards? Do I offer more than a smile to the quiet brunette at the coffee shop? Do I strike up a conversation with the sparkling blue eyes waiting tables at the local restaraunt?

Where do I start?

Or should I stop… and wait a while longer?

So lately I’ve been wondering…

What’s up with all of these guys who feel that they must be in constant physical contact with their girlfriend?

No matter where I go, I always see couples together. Now seeing couples together doesn’t necessarily bother me. What bothers me are when they are constantly touching. Not even so much groping and being disgusting. Just touching.

Go to lunch someday and just observe. I can almost guarantee that you will see at least one coulple who cant even stop holding hands long enough to wrap them around a burger and take a bite. I may even go as far as to say that they probably base their food choice on whatever is easiest to be eaten one-handed.

Go to the library, especially if you are in college/university, and see how many couples are sitting at a computer, arms draped around each other, walking up and down the book isles.

Take a stroll on over to the computer lab and chances are you’ll see the same thing.

Go to your local coffee shop or somewhere couples frequent and I bet you’ll find a guy who holds on to his girlfriends arm or elbow or something while shes ordering her food.

Laying. Leaning. Draping. Hovering. Holding. And just about any other “ing” that can be done in public.

I’ve noticed something about these situations that I find rather humorous. Most of the time, the girl has a look on her face that reads something like this:

“For God’s sake give me some air”
-or-
“When is he going to stop staring at me”
-or-
“Could I possibly move a little bit”

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just a bitter single guy who just wishes he was part of all of this. Or maybe I’m seeing something that those involved cannot. Maybe I’m seeing something of which I was once guilty.

Smothering can kill a relationship.

Perhaps it is all just innocent flirting but much of it comes across to me as needy, insecure attachment.

If one truly cares for the other and wants the relationship to grow, then an honest calculated decision is made to persue that relationship further. This decision is made based on the council of both parties. Therefore, it should not be necessary to attempt to create or escalate premature bonds that would otherwise distort the true nature and level of the relationship because both parties are already aware that the other is interested.

Then again, maybe that statement is exactly why I’m single.

I just don’t see where all this touching is necessary.

It just screams PROPERTY……

Ownership….. This is mine…. Don’t touch… Don’t look.. Mine.

People who eat like cows bother me.

Pardon me for sounding like a snob, but no one should sound like a cascading waterfall while chewing their food.

For Pete’s sake, close your mouth.

This morning, A London judge ruled that Dan Brown did not steal the idea for The Da Vinci Code from the book entitled Holy Blood, Holy Grail.

This means that the movie will release as planned.

All I can say is…

Way to go guys! I hope the movie is as much of a success as the book.

I, for one, have not read the book. I do, however, know what’s in it. I also know that it is a work of fiction. This is been pointed out by even the author himself. Someday, I may read the book. I barely have time now. I have much more important books to be reading.

I’ll probably go see the movie. Or, most likely, catch it on DVD.

Frustration…

I don’t know why. Frustrated with my laziness. Frustrated with my lack of motivation. I’ve got this vision and that should be motivation enough.

Or so I’ve been told.

I’ve been told that when you’ve got a vision that nothing is more motivating. I’ve been told that when you know what you want to do and where you’re going that it is one of the most motivating things in the world. Well, I know what I want to do, and I know where I’m going, so why don’t I feel motivated.

Im also frustrated with my own failures. It seems like its always something. My vices just keep transferring to something else. I get one under control and something else becomes a problem.

The more I fail the worse I feel. I feel like I should be victorious. Like I should be winning the battle. However, every time I turn around, its something else.